U.S.of A. Day 23: What is the Truth?

"Be careful about what you think and what you say during your times of trial and tribulation. The attitude you have while in the wilderness determines how long you stay there."~ Joyce Meyers

I read this quote this morning,  And I think about my own times of trial and tribulation and reflect on my thoughts during these times.  For years my thoughts were negative.  I focused on those things I could not control and I "allowed" them to control me and my attitude about myself, my marriage, my life.  By doing that I felt like I wasn't good enough.  I couldn't do anything right.  Success was only something other people achieved in finances, in marriage, in relationships, in life.  Somehow I didn't "deserve" success.

As I type this, I am having a light bulb moment of one time in my life where this "lie" had a small root. Let me insert the story, in hopes maybe someone can relate.
I was a sophomore in high school on the Junior Varsity volleyball team.  The Varsity coaches felt I had enough skill and talent to be "pulled up" onto the Varsity squad.  As a result, some of my classmates were (in my perception) jealous of this move by the coaches.  A couple of those girls quit.  I believed that to be them thinking I wasn't good enough to be on the Varsity squad and they should have been.  This left me feeling/believing that maybe I didn't deserve to be on that Varsity squad. 
Another story of when the "lie" that I wasn't good enough had it's root was on my 13th birthday.  I had planned a birthday party and invited many girls from class at school.  It turned out only 2 girls showed up for my party.  I was devastated!  I remember crying, thinking, "What's wrong with me?  Why don't they like me?"  I can still "see" that day clearly sitting in my living room, crying as I opened the few gifts that were given me. 

The result of this thinking was adding 90 lbs of extra weight on my body over the course of  nearly 19 years.  My husband would say to me many times, "do you even hear yourself?"  And so I wandered in this "wilderness" of mine for years!  I was living under the "lie" that what others thought of me determined my worth.  And somehow I "proved" this by believing that when people entered my life and "left" (either by way of moving away or losing contact, etc.) that it just "proved" to me that I wasn't good enough.
So in watching the movie Carlos posted(The Final Cut"), I could "see" myself in that movie.  My beliefs about those early memories determined the course of my life up to this point in my life. 
And so I am challenged again with something similar. 
I am in the middle of a divorce.  My seven year old wants to live with his dad.  I am unable to communicate with one of my best friends.  Some issues rise up at work.
Those 'old' feelings of not feeling good enough well up.  This has been my challenge this week.  I have not worked out all week. I have eaten pretty good.  Not where I want to be, but not bad either.  (probably not enough)  So where has MY focus been?  I can "hear" Carlos' words, "here we are going along merrily and then opps, something shows up and gets us off track."  So what do we do about that?  We have to get to the truth!  We have to dispel the lies. 
The Truth is...those girls not coming to my party more than likely had nothing to do with me!
The Truth is...those girls quitting probably had nothing to do with me being on the Varsity squad, but was about THEM not being pulled up.  I DID deserve to be on that Varsity squad!
The Truth is...I do deserve success in all areas of my life.
The Truth is...I am the best at my job.
The Truth is...I am the best mom I can be.
The Truth is...divorce does not define me.
The Truth is...just because I can't communicate with my friend does not mean I have "lost" them. 
So what is an affirmation all about?  It's about taking charge of what you are thinking and saying in your times of trial and tribulation.  An affirmation is giving your attitude direction and focus on the truth.  It is saying to those lies we tell ourselves or hear from other people, "No, I will not accept you!  I accept and believe the truth.   the Truth is.."
In 2006, I started my journey of Affirmations.  I have lost 90 lbs along the way.  But it's not about fat loss or losing 90 lbs or even 9 lbs.!  It is about what you believe!  Are you believing the lies or are you believing the Truth?  If you believe the lies you do all you can to cover up the pain of those lies you are believing.  If you believe the Truth, you are set free from the pain of those lies and you live Success in every moment.
As Carlos shares with us, something will always show up!!  But, it's what you think and believe about those things and learning HOW to think in those times that will determine your success and your future outcomes.  This journey will never end.  The day you stop affirming those Truths is the day you revert back to those old ways of thinking.