Vision

"Perhaps the most powerful aspect of vision is that it changes your way of thinking, which in turn changes the way you live.
An Olympic swimmer endures the long hours of staring at the bottom of a pool, day after day, because he is motivated by the vision of the gold to come.
A mother endures the painful labor of childbirth because the vision of her newborn baby sustains her.
And a four-year-old endures the struggle to be a very, very good boy for another two weeks because he is motivated by a vision of gifts under a Christmas tree.
Vision is a power that motivates us to do great things, give great things, and love at all times. Vision keeps us going when there doesn’t appear to be any other reason to keep pushing forward toward the goal."
(Jon  
 
Five years has passed since I started this "weight loss" journey.
this pic was taken September 19, 2006.


The Vision I had for myself at that time was... to not be where I was.  I wasn't looking forward in the sense of an "ideal physique" because I just didn't know or believe it was possible for me.  The vision I had was to not be 90 lbs overweight...to not be what I saw in the mirror.  30 lbs was all I could believe...and even that I wasn't quite sure I could do.  All I knew was that I didn't want to be where I was...mind, body, soul.  It really wasn't about the weight but how I felt in the body I had "created"...or rather, allowed to happen.  And my body was a pure reflection of how I thought about myself.  I didn't like me.  I didn't like the choices I felt "pressured" to make.  Those choices were made out of fear.
But I finally made some choices for me and what was right for me.  I made a decision after much "talking"(months, maybe even years) about it to lose some weight.  Once I had it set in my mind that I WAS Doing it, I just did it!  The food, the workouts, the changing of my thoughts...It was all deliberate and determined.  I was committed.  I wasn't going to let anything stop me.  Not the processed food that was in my house.  Not even my own negative thinking...about myself, about my life.  It was conscious effort and conscious thinking and self-talk.  Something just "clicked" in me that said, "enough is enough.  I'm doing this! no more talking, no more hoping. Just Do It!"
I read and read all I needed to do...while eating bowls of ice cream..and yes, that is plural...  I would literally sit and eat 2-3 bowls of ice cream while reading how to train, eat right, think right!
Then it was time to put what I was reading into action!  I set goals.(30lbs  by Christmas of that year- 2006)  I printed up visualization pics.  I said some affirmations.  One of them being, "I am 155! I am 155!"  That is what I would say outloud...with emotion and with all my heart...while I would workout upstairs in my house with only a set of 6 lb dumbells and an exercise bike..and 90 lbs of extra bodyweight!
But it really wasn't about being 155 lbs! I didn't quite know it at the time, but it was about who I wanted to be inside at 155 lbs. It wasn't for the "glory" from my peers or being a certain bodyfat percent(as I really didn't know what could be possible for me at that time).  It was for me to be able to like myself.  To have confidence in me.  To have a good self-esteem.  To believe I had value.  To be able to look in the mirror and like what and who I saw.
 
And so with the inspiration of my OWN story, I am going to do this!
My post from the other day about being sick...In all truth I was not physically sick.  My head hurt from thinking!  From thinking about all that I didn't have or felt I was "losing."  My chest hurt because my "heart" was hurting.  My stomach hurt from letting all these thoughts and negative emotions churn me up in my body.  Some days I do great and others I allowed to let my emotions rule me.  I will not discount the pain nor push it down..but I must not also let it overwhelm me.  I must manage it.  I must take every thought captive.  Just as I did 5 years ago, I must affirm what and who I want to be(not just the weight I want to be).  I must do this outloud...with passion, with determination, with committment to the outcome..the vision of who I am.
An inadvertant comment on a facebook post I made from an old high school acqaintance reminded me of my purpose. Someone I haven't talked to since high school!(nearly 25 years ago!)

"Sorry Suzette. But hello to you and yes you were created for a purpose to inspire others!!"

So I have reset my mind!  I will not live in that "sick" place I was a few days ago.  The vision of who I want to be will change the way I think and in effect change the way I live.  And I will Become that which I envision!

What is my vision for myself?
A Healthy Soul, a Healthy Mind, a Healthy Body.  Someone who inspires others to be and do the same.  I live in peace even when my circumstances say otherwise.