Chapter 2 begins

Wow! yes, indeed it has been a long time!  An update on the mission.  fail.  I did not finish. 
However, the past few months have been both good and bad. 
Bad, in that I haven't been working out the past few weeks and have not kept up with "clean" eating.  The results will show themselves.  The reasons for this backward trend are indeed a result of a poor internal climate.  What happens on the inside almost always shows up on the outside.
Here is something I read today that really resonated with me.

"Circumstances - it's what happens to us; it's life. There are basically two types of people. There's the kind of person that basically accepts their life; they just accept what's happening to them, they're up, they're down. Basically their circumstances control them, their feelings, their attitudes, their moods, etc. We've all been there. Then there's another type of person that gets up every day and they don't accept their life, they lead their life. They determine their priorities, they determine their choices. They still have negative circumstances like everyone, but they lead their lives. The difference isn't in how life treats you, it's in how you respond to life. We can't control the positives and negatives of life, many of the circumstances sure. But we can control our reaction to them, our attitudes, how we live. They're the settings of life’s chessboard, or the kind and amount of the challenges on life’s game. It’s the way the scenario is presented to us. However, WE are the players; WE decide how we are going to face and tackle each obstacle towards OUR goals. We may fall, we may get hurt, we may lose some plays … But WE have to make every effort we can and make each play worth having being played! Circumstances don't make you. You make yourself."

The circumstances of my life the past few months have not been ideal and have mostly been out of my control.  Divorce and loss of my job, both within 2 weeks of each other, and also losing contact with one of my best friends.  I was doing ok for a while, but then started focusing on the "sting" of rejection.  When I read this quote above, I realized I was letting my circumstances control me, my feelings, my attitude, my moods.  I was letting my feelings of rejection control my life.  I was basically letting myself go through the motions.  I was letting my Powerful Reasons Why fade.  I was starting to focus on what was "missing" in my life.

The Good.  I have met an amazing man who is helping me to regain my focus.  He is helping me to see what is good and great in my life again.  He has helped me to reclaim my smile. 
We shared a trip to Panama City Beach, Florida earlier this month. 

We are planning a return trip in May.  As of today, it is 84 days away. 

I have been dragging my feet to move forward with my life.  I basically feel like I have been coasting in my life the past few months.  The dreams and goals I set out for myself in early November had been pushed back.  The quote above reminds me I need to get back into the game and start Making my own plays.  I need to dig deep to find that drive and determination I had back in September 2006 when I started this weight loss journey, to take control of my inner climate.  I can continue to let the waves carry me wherever they may or I can set out my sails and direct my ship. 

I can say I will start another mission with an external motivator as a return trip to Panama City Beach, but in reality for me external motivators have proven to not be a motivating factor.  I need an internal motivation.  They say "the pain of staying where you are has to become greater than the pain to change" in order to make changes in your life.  It was true for me in 2006 and it is true for me in 2012.  The internal motivator is how I feel about myself.  I want to feel confident in myself again.  I want to believe in my dreams again.  I can not do this for anyone else or for a trip back to the beach.  I must do this for me.  It is not a selfish thing.  Making myself better for me will only result in making myself better for others. 

Mission: PCB2/Return to me
How am I going to do this? 
Mindset is key!!  It is the key to any transformation.  What I am thinking and saying and believing about myself are the determining factors in a successful "mission" and transformation.  Affirmations are a great way to change what I am thinking, saying and believing about myself.  Affirmations are what helped me to lose 90 lbs.  And it is what will help me to regain my confidence...as well as a "beach ready" body.
Metabolic Masterpiece.  Scott Tousignant has designed an amazing program.  This has to top off any other program he has put together for the length I have been following him.(since 2006)   The two phases I have done I thoroughly enjoyed.
Part of my internal motivations is to regain my self-confidence.  A great confidence boosting feat would be to become a "Metabolic Masterpiece" success story.
Accountability/Support.  First and foremost, I must be accountable to myself.  But it helps to enlist others to assist you in this area.  Without accountability and support it would be all too easy to just quit when the going gets tough.  One form of accountability I will use will be to follow through with posting on this blog.  A couple of years ago I was a part of an online fitness forum and daily postings was a key factor in accountability and even the support of fellow members.  Daily pics was also a part of that accountability. 
Part of this accountability/support is a "challenge" shared with this amazing man in my life.  I have "challenged" him to lose 40 lbs by my birthday in August.  The "challenge" for me is to drop my bodyfat % to 21% (from my starting scale bf% of 30%) by May 19 and to 15% by my birthday in August.
Powerful Reason Why.  I want to regain my self-confidence.  I want to feel good about myself again. I don't want to feel the pain of disappointment. The numbers don't really mean anything to me.  It is the way I will feel when I reach those numbers.  I want to feel Unstoppable!
How I felt at the end of this video...this is my PRW...my internal motivator.

Starting Stats:
As of 2/12/12
weight: 157.2 lbs
waist: 34"
hips: 41"
scale bf%: 30%

Goal: by May 19, 2012
weight: 150 lbs.
waist: 32"
hips: 39"
scale bf%: 21%

Chapter 2 begins.