T-3 days to Mission 5: Genesis

I have decided to start up my 5 year Anniversary shred mission on Monday, November 21, 2011, instead of Tuesday. Still to finish up on February 14, 2012.
I am nervously excited about this Mission. After nearly two years of health and personal issues, I am a little bit nervous about this Shred Mission. I am feeling the pressure of putting myself out there (even though there are not many here).
While I've had overall success at losing weight and keeping it off(even after gall bladder surgery), I have felt like I have not yet come close to my own potential. In February 2009 I did feel like I was in the best shape of my life, but I know there is more in me.
I have grown much over the past 20 months(I can't believe it's been that long already, let alone five years!) spiritually, mentally and emotionally. At 42 years old, I feel like I've finally grown up in ways.
But here I find myself at major turning points in my life. I feel like I have endured some of the hardest times in my life the past year, the greatest growth phase of my short life. I find myself not just at the end of a phase in my life(the end of a 21 year marriage and the end of an 8 year job, within 2 weeks of each other) but at the Beginning of something New and Exciting. For most of my life I feel like I have lived in fear. But, with such big changes happening in my life so close to each other, I am finding myself Unafraid. I feel like I am finally walking in the faith I have so many times shared with you all here. A faith I questioned of myself so many times.
What was the turning point for me in not living in fear?
It happened to be a week in New Jersey. There are so many words to describe what that trip meant to me.
Letting go of the past.
Letting go of guilt.
Completely forgiving...of myself and those I felt wronged me.
Changing my perspective.
Refocus.
Renewal.
Setting new goals.
Dreaming again.
Living the moments.
Loving the moments.
Knowing I am OK.
Being Thankful for each and every moment.
Through all of that, receiving Peace.

Elaine, from NotJustaDaydream.com, happened to be the vessel through which all of that came.

So my heart races once again at the onset of yet another "mission". Stay tuned for Day 1 of Mission 5: "Genesis"

A New Beginning: A Genesis Week

A New Beginning: a Genesis Week

I have shared this blog title before.  Yet it seems to have taken on a new meaning.
The past five years I have been on a journey.  One would think it was a journey of weight loss, but it was so much more than that!  It was the journey of Suzette.
My "Genesis Week" started five years ago on July 30,  2006.  That was the day I set a goal to lose 30 lbs by Christmas of that same year.  But the decision to commit didn't happen until September 19, 2006 when I took that first "before" picture with at least a 40 inch waist and 50 inch hips.
That day was the beginning of what you now see today.  My body is not where I'd like it to be and neither is my inner man.  But that IS the journey!
What you see today is not the person you may have seen on July 30, 2006.  And such is the journey we all should be taking.  The one of transformation of mind, body, soul.  We should not be stagnant beings.  And we are NOT!  We are either growing or we are dying.  And quite possibly both!  If we are growing, then essentially a part of us is dying.  We have to let the old parts of us that held us back to die.  The Old parts of us have to die off so the New can come in and grow.
Just look at the eagle.  As an eagle goes through a molting of his wings he has to practically die for that to happen.  But he doesn't do this alone!  He has other eagles who have already gone through this molting process to feed him and help keep him alive as he doesn't have strength of his own to get his own food. (http://eaglez4worth.tripod.com/id89.html)read this link as it really tells the story of how I have been feeling)
My journey feels quite like the eagle's molting process.  It feels like my whole life has "died".  The me of yesterday has died.  I have been in a depression and the Eagles in my life have been feeding me, keeping me alive so my new wings can come in and grow so I can begin to fly once again, maybe even for the first time.  To Soar!  To soar high above the circumstances of life.  To Rise Above!
I am stepping out!  I am jumping!  more like being pushed, really! just like the adult eagles do with their young.  I'm either going to fall crashing to the ground or I will spread my wings and fly!
but I WILL fly!
I have been preparing for this day for five years, unbeknownst to me.  but God knew!  He already had it planned out.  People have been speaking into my life and I have been listening.
This past week with Elaine, has been so pivotal for me.  It was all in preparation of what was to come today.  I was able to really get my mind in a right place of peace and genuinely being OK.  To be able to put behind me and allow to die the pain of rejection and other negative beliefs and thoughts.  I've gone from just surviving the moments to being able to Live in the Moments and Love the Moments given to me.

Jersey Shore

I have been in Wall, New Jersey since Monday, October 31, 2011 visiting with my friend Elaine Morales from NotJustaDaydream.com.  She has been training for her third figure competition.  So this week has been "peak week" for her.  Elaine has not only transformed her body but has transformed her whole way of thinking.  A once shy, introverted person is now confident and full of positivity.

Here are some pics from my trip to Jersey so far.  Others can be found in my facebook albums.

T-6 Jersey

In six days, I'll be heading to New Jersey to visit with my friend in fitness, Elaine, author of  "Why Delay Amazing" a complete guide to transformation,  who will be on stage on Saturday, November 5, entering her third figure competition.
I will be spending "peak week" with her.  She is already a champion in her own right.  She has transformed her life, inside out!  She is a great inspiration to me.  I can't wait to meet her.  I'll post pics upon my return.

T-14 Jersey

In two weeks I will be on my way to New Jersey! I will be staying with Elaine for a week leading up to her 3rd Figure Competition. I am so excited!

A friend of mine shared this on her website and it really resonated with me,
" I am letting go of my old identity and discovering the new."

In legal terms, I will be doing just that next Monday as my divorce will be final in the courts. It will be the beginning of the next chapter in my life. It will be the starting of "discovering the new". A new beginning. What could truly be my "Genesis Week".

But sad to say, this past week has not been one of my best. No one said divorce would be easy, but damn, why do we have to treat each other so crappy. It has been a mentally tough week for me to replace those negative words with positives..not just replacing them, but to believe them.

I want all this crap to be done and over with and all the drama that comes with it to be done. I know life will still show up, but I am hoping such dramatic things will be diverted in the future and that I have hopefully learned some lessons for future reference. I really want this 5 year Anniversary Shred Mission to be a focused, unstoppable effort.
If you don't join me in the shred, at least come support me along the way. I (we all do, really) need all the encouragement and support I can get.
It is my hope to be able to reflect over the past 5 years of this journey as I go through this next Shred Mission. and to also Dream and look forward to what is to come. So shred or not, you don't want to miss reflections and lessons and dreams to come as I share with you all.

 

I don't think I've shared with you all yet. Starting on November 22, 2011 I will be starting a 12 week "Shred Mission" to commemorate my 5 year weight loss journey.  An 'anniversary' mission of sorts.  It was during this time frame that I started making changes in my life, mind, body, spirit.  I had found a fellow by the name of Adam Waters.  It was by his encouragement that I started blogging my weight loss journey.  So in a way, it is to celebrate with him the journey we have shared these past five years.  I will share my reflections from this time with you all.  I have also chosen this 12 week time frame as it was two years ago that I shared with my good friend, Sharon Harris from Australia, one of my best physique and internal transformations.  Since that time her and I have gone through some difficult times(individually of each other) so I'd like to do this shred mission as a way of a New Beginning.  Sharon had a huge impact on my life during our shred mission 2 years ago and I'd like to thank her by doing this "Anniversary" shred mission. The past two years has seen me start and "quit" many times due to life situations, but it is my intention to complete this next 12 week "mission".

 

So stay tuned within the next month as I journey through 12 weeks from November 22, 2011 to February 14, 2012.

T-28 Jersey

Did my cardio early (for me!) this morning.  Instead of "traditional" cardio I did another HIIT round of "kickboxing" for 10 minutes, then did some "HIIT" jump roping.  I don't remember my calves feeling sore from jump roping back when I was a kid! (but I did do calves yesterday and were kind of sore)  But, boy, was that a heart rate pump!! once I got to not stepping on the rope!  I had so much energy I scrubbed by kitchen floor, on my hands and knees, just like Cinderella! LOL!
I am focused on looking towards the vision I see for myself.  I see it.  I live it.  I breathe it.  I believe it. My daily thoughts and actions reflect that vision.
Previous successes have shown me that I have only scratched the surface of my potential, mind, body and spirit.
What an amazing journey we are on...for us all to "Eclipse" our former selves.

Day 1/Day 3 Pic:



I am still seeing that my hip stature is off balance.  I've noticed this before.  I have a tight hip flexor, I wonder if that has anything to do with my imbalance on my right side?
Besides that, I am already seeing some minor changes, especially in tummy.

Vision

"Perhaps the most powerful aspect of vision is that it changes your way of thinking, which in turn changes the way you live.
An Olympic swimmer endures the long hours of staring at the bottom of a pool, day after day, because he is motivated by the vision of the gold to come.
A mother endures the painful labor of childbirth because the vision of her newborn baby sustains her.
And a four-year-old endures the struggle to be a very, very good boy for another two weeks because he is motivated by a vision of gifts under a Christmas tree.
Vision is a power that motivates us to do great things, give great things, and love at all times. Vision keeps us going when there doesn’t appear to be any other reason to keep pushing forward toward the goal."
(Jon  
 
Five years has passed since I started this "weight loss" journey.
this pic was taken September 19, 2006.


The Vision I had for myself at that time was... to not be where I was.  I wasn't looking forward in the sense of an "ideal physique" because I just didn't know or believe it was possible for me.  The vision I had was to not be 90 lbs overweight...to not be what I saw in the mirror.  30 lbs was all I could believe...and even that I wasn't quite sure I could do.  All I knew was that I didn't want to be where I was...mind, body, soul.  It really wasn't about the weight but how I felt in the body I had "created"...or rather, allowed to happen.  And my body was a pure reflection of how I thought about myself.  I didn't like me.  I didn't like the choices I felt "pressured" to make.  Those choices were made out of fear.
But I finally made some choices for me and what was right for me.  I made a decision after much "talking"(months, maybe even years) about it to lose some weight.  Once I had it set in my mind that I WAS Doing it, I just did it!  The food, the workouts, the changing of my thoughts...It was all deliberate and determined.  I was committed.  I wasn't going to let anything stop me.  Not the processed food that was in my house.  Not even my own negative thinking...about myself, about my life.  It was conscious effort and conscious thinking and self-talk.  Something just "clicked" in me that said, "enough is enough.  I'm doing this! no more talking, no more hoping. Just Do It!"
I read and read all I needed to do...while eating bowls of ice cream..and yes, that is plural...  I would literally sit and eat 2-3 bowls of ice cream while reading how to train, eat right, think right!
Then it was time to put what I was reading into action!  I set goals.(30lbs  by Christmas of that year- 2006)  I printed up visualization pics.  I said some affirmations.  One of them being, "I am 155! I am 155!"  That is what I would say outloud...with emotion and with all my heart...while I would workout upstairs in my house with only a set of 6 lb dumbells and an exercise bike..and 90 lbs of extra bodyweight!
But it really wasn't about being 155 lbs! I didn't quite know it at the time, but it was about who I wanted to be inside at 155 lbs. It wasn't for the "glory" from my peers or being a certain bodyfat percent(as I really didn't know what could be possible for me at that time).  It was for me to be able to like myself.  To have confidence in me.  To have a good self-esteem.  To believe I had value.  To be able to look in the mirror and like what and who I saw.
 
And so with the inspiration of my OWN story, I am going to do this!
My post from the other day about being sick...In all truth I was not physically sick.  My head hurt from thinking!  From thinking about all that I didn't have or felt I was "losing."  My chest hurt because my "heart" was hurting.  My stomach hurt from letting all these thoughts and negative emotions churn me up in my body.  Some days I do great and others I allowed to let my emotions rule me.  I will not discount the pain nor push it down..but I must not also let it overwhelm me.  I must manage it.  I must take every thought captive.  Just as I did 5 years ago, I must affirm what and who I want to be(not just the weight I want to be).  I must do this outloud...with passion, with determination, with committment to the outcome..the vision of who I am.
An inadvertant comment on a facebook post I made from an old high school acqaintance reminded me of my purpose. Someone I haven't talked to since high school!(nearly 25 years ago!)

"Sorry Suzette. But hello to you and yes you were created for a purpose to inspire others!!"

So I have reset my mind!  I will not live in that "sick" place I was a few days ago.  The vision of who I want to be will change the way I think and in effect change the way I live.  And I will Become that which I envision!

What is my vision for myself?
A Healthy Soul, a Healthy Mind, a Healthy Body.  Someone who inspires others to be and do the same.  I live in peace even when my circumstances say otherwise.