New Year 2024. The Journey Continues. My "Origin Story"

 Here we are yet again at the start of a new year!  New year, new goals, new month, new week.... 

As part of this continued journey and sharing it here for anyone who chooses to read my words, I am going to go through some documenting of sharing my journey by following some prompting of doing some internal work. I'll be following prompted questions that I will answer in response. In the following week I hope to answer the questions in regards to "Where I am now" and "Where I want to go" in this   upcoming year and beyond.  

Today, the question is "What is your Origin Story"?  Every hero starts from somewhere.  a place they don't want to be. So what's the first thing you do?  You set a "goal." You set a destination. But you can't map out a plan until you know where you're actually starting from. So before diving into the how of achieving results, I must take a hard look at where I am currently. My "origin story."  Put in all of my frustrations and struggles. Highlighting what I do not like about where I am now.  Sharing so I can remember why I'm looking to make these changes in the coming year.

I feel like to reflect on where I am currently, I need to look back to the very beginning and all the struggles I've had along the way. Plus, I don't know where you may have jumped into my life in regards to my journey. I can only assume you know nothing about me and where I came from. I will try to keep this brief as possible.  Sometimes to understand where you are now, you need to reflect on where you started from and what got you to where you are today.

I grew up in a small farming community.  I lived out in farm country. Growing up as a child my family did not have a TV like most other families did.  So, as a result, most of my childhood was experienced through activities not associated with sitting on the couch watching TV.  I am the 3rd of 4 kids(at the time), I had an older brother and a younger brother, and an older sister. Most of my childhood memories are of playing with my brothers mostly.  We loved most ball sports; basketball, football, baseball, running in track and volleyball(mostly just me), also riding our bikes.  We were always told to go outside to play. So we were all basically pretty active as children and into our teenage high school years playing in said sports.  As a family, we had a large garden that my parents would grow and harvest every year.  We always had a plentiful supply of fresh veggies and even chickens for us to eat.  We were basically eating "organic" before "organic" was a "thing".  Jump forward a few years, into college, I also played basketball and volleyball through my 4+ years of college. I did gain the "freshmen 15" lbs. and that was basically the beginnings of my lifelong journey of yo-yo dieting/losing and gaining weight over the years.  In my early years of marriage and being pregnant or nursing four kids during a 10 year time span, I gained over 90 lbs!  Two years after my youngest child was born I had had enough of feeling insecure and not liking who I had become. I decided to embark on a weight loss journey to get back to the figure of my youth.  It took me 18 months to lose over 90 lbs! I was on a mission!  In a way, I was obsessed with reaching my goal weight!  It was then in 2006 that I started blogging and documenting my weight loss journey.  My original blog has since been deleted and removed and started this one a "few" years ago.  After my initial weight loss I have been struggling up and down with those last 15-20 lbs.  My weight had gotten down to 145 lbs at my lowest weight(back to my high school weight!) But over the past 10 years since my weight has fluctuated up to as high as 177 lbs! I've done several "challenges" over the years since where I've gotten my weight down to 150 lbs and then to just slack off my discipline and gained back up again in the low 170's. I never thought of it as such, but I have ended up the classic yo-yo dieter!  I'd do a program great for a few months, or even at best 10 months, to slowly gain that weight back on having fallen back into my old eating habits and lack of consistent workouts.  I've repeated this same story over and over again saying I didn't want to do that again, but yet....here I am...back in the low 170's!!  And NOW I am in my mid 50's and in peri-menopause phase of my life, which seems to make it harder. I actually did a great program last year (March 2022 - August 2022) and did amazing!  I felt like I was getting my strength back and got my weight back down to 150 lbs!!  I was so proud of myself!  I felt really good!  Then, I strained my lower back and it's been downhill ever since.  I stopped tracking my calories/macros.  I reverted back to my old habits...pizza, ice cream, alcohol!  Now I feel weaker than ever!! More flabbiness. All my clothes are tight!!  I just feel horrible that I've done this YET AGAIN!!  I'm in this literal cycle of up and down and then beating myself up for it yet again!  I've gone from being so proud of myself to hating where I am yet again. It's clear that I have not mastered the skill of "maintenance."  

So...this is a brief summary of the past 17 years! I want to FINALLY learn from my mistakes. I want to learn to FINALLY make my fitness a lifestyle and NOT a Yo-Yo cycle!  Can I dive into my frustrations and struggles and learn from them?! Can I finally see the pattern of success to only self-sabotage. Can I break that chain?  

Where am I now?

What habits and routines am I doing daily right now? I feel like I am a person who likes things easy.  I don't want to have to overthink things or worry about what I'm going to have to eat or how much time it's going to take to do something.  That's why it's been so easy to opt for pizza and ice cream and other easy frozen meals.  I did great with the macro/calorie tracking last year.  I am/have been an "all or nothing" type of person.  With all the programs and meal plans/tracking I've done over the years I'd do great until the "end" of challenge/program then I'd go back to my old ways of not really paying attention to those details. I think I felt like that by not continuing to track that I wouldn't know how bad I was doing and I'd feel less "self-guilt" for not making the better choices. "If I didn't log it, it didn't happen"...right?!?!  um no... but maybe that was my unconscious justification.  I reached my goal...I can slack off now.  umm. no.  I hurt my back, so why keep track anymore?!?   I feel like those were my "unconscious" justifications.  

My continued frustrations are that now all my pants are too tight! I get mentally overwhelmed with having to start all over again and trying to figure out all the "right" things to eat and how much and making sure I'm getting enough water, protein, vitamins, etc.  I really hated having to weigh and measure all my food.  I hate having to start all over again, not feeling like I've learned anything the past 17 years! I just want my fit body I had even just a little over a year ago! Now I have to go through all that struggle of feeling weak and having to work my ass off just to get back to where I was. 

My current lifestyle is 'what's easy?' I over think life enough as it is, I don't want to have to overthink what am I going to eat or what workout to do.  I'm also trying to navigate what is best for me in my perimenopause journey. I feel so overwhelmed with what I should be doing.  I do get "paralyzed" by all the choices and "should do's".  

If you've made it this far in my rambling, I applaud you!  I'm just throwing it all out there and what is going through my mind. This journey is many years in the making up to this point.  But I feel like I want to start afresh and to overthink or worry about what I did or did not do in the past!  I want to have the mindset that tomorrow, in the New Day, the New Year, that it is truly a Day 1. Let all my past failures and success be just part of my past story!  What happened 15 years ago, what happened yesterday doesn't matter and even compute in the evaluation of what I can do or will do in the future!  I want to start a clean slate like I've never done this before!

2023 Recap

 Here we are at the end of yet another year! How does each year seem to go by so fast?? I started off ok, but then quickly slacked off with the onset of the wrist tendonitis.  I did finally recover from the tendonitis in the right wrist.  But as this year is ending I'm now suffering tendonitis in my left wrist!! The orthopedic Dr recommends surgery, but only after just giving me a cortisone shot which only lasted a mere few weeks until pain returned.  The cortisone shot did not resolve the cause of the issue.  So I will try to resolve it on my own with my own research on different techniques and protocols of rest, pressure point massage, stretching, strengthening of arm muscles, etc. None of which the ortho Dr suggested. He just jumped right to "you need surgery because cortisone didn't help". 

So as this year has gone, I've completely gone backwards with my weight. I've lost track of tracking my macros and most nights opt for the easy way out...pizza or something simple. My workouts have been sporadic, at best.  I am ending the year at around 170 lbs. Feeling old and achy and suffering symptoms of perimenopause(hot flashes, insomnia, mood swings, depression, anxiety, body/joint aches(I'm sure my wrist tendonitis has a lot to do with perimenopause), etc. 

I will make a new blog entry to hopefully start the documentation of the continuing of this lifelong fitness journey for me. So stay tuned to the next entry. 

 

 

Easing back. March update

Brutal honesty... peri-menopause is really beating me down. From the physical aches to the mental depression and sleep-deprived nights from insomnia to night sweats. I do take supplements to try to combat some of those symptoms.  Sometimes it seems to work, other times not. Many times I find my mental attitude of "just fuck it" sometimes wins. I've had this battle on/off my whole life. It really does take continuous ongoing work to combat those negative thoughts, just like working on your body takes a continuous consistent effort. 

The other night I was seeing my memories on Facebook of some of my fitness journey postings. I've basically been repeating the same lose/gain of the same 10-15 lbs over the past 10 or so years. Each time I've lost that weight I always think it'll be the last and I'll do good and maintain that weight loss....just to end back up where I was before. (@165-170#) At 53 years old and in peri-menopause this time around I'm really struggling mentally. I am so discouraged and in a depressing state of returning back up in weight again...and so quickly. I'm literally back to where I was literally a year ago. 

How can I turn it all around again? 

I've started new workout programming. It's a tempo based routine. I just finished a 2nd week of an acclimation phase. This week should start increasing the weights to begin building and challenging the muscles. 

I do feel I have to accept that I won't get back to my goal of 150# by my beach vacation the end of May. I just haven't gotten my calories down and disciplined enough. I kind of just feel I don't want to go back to the detailed macro tracking. Maybe if I can just input my favorite recipes that meet my protein/calorie needs i couod just rotste through some of my favorites and not feel I'm having to stress over hitting my macros every day. I do know I tend to get caught up in mindless snacking. 

Some days I can't stand where I'm back to. Some days I just feel like quitting. But I walys come back to the thought and belief that muscle is the fountain of youth. And I feel I just can't give up. I just want my muscles and strength back and to not feel old and plump. I know I go back and forth between saying one thing but yet doing the opposite. 

Maybe I need to get back to writing down positive affirmations. Just thinking about something doesn't seem to make things happen. I need to instill belief in my inner being that I can and will do what needs to be done to restore my muscles and strength. I need to keep going, no matter what. Let consistency win. 

I know I've probably babbled on and on, but if no one is reading this blog it doesn't really matter and it's a way of getting thoughts out of my head. 

Overcoming challenges and making another comeback

 Hello, warriors

I have been sidelined for a few weeks after I suffered an overuse tendon issue in my right wrist/thumb.

The past 6 months have been a challenge. I strained my lower back in September and then I injured my right wrist/thumb the end of January.  

I have basically sabotaged myself and my diet and have put back on the weight I lost last year. I certainly did not practice regret prevention and have put myself back in nearly same spot I was in last year at this time. I am so disappointed in myself. Some days I just feel like giving up. 

But, I will never give up. 

I've done some researching and found that maybe my body has been in a state of under-hydration and has possibly contributed to the tendon issues in my wrist. So I'm going to experiment with drinking some "electrolyte water". (Potassium/sodium). Hoping that will help hydrate my joints and tendons better and also aid in physical recovery from my job(which is physical and repetitive in nature on many of my joints) and even workouts in gym. 

I try to get in a daily short walk with our doggy. 

But am ready to get back into the gym and get focused on my diet and really learn from my many years of inconsistencies and mistakes. 

My husband and I are planning a road trip beach(Virginia Beach) vacation for Memorial Day weekend (end of May) and I need to get a much better looking beach body. 

Stay tuned for what's to come. I will try to continue posting, and remaining open and vulnerable with my ups and downs.  This is not a straight line journey, certainly as I am entering the world of peri-menopause/menopause. 

#nevergiveup #nevertooold  #fitover50  #believeinyourselfagain  #justshowup #consistencyiskey  #menopausejourney  #electrolytewater  #hydrationismorethanjustwater #heartandhydration

Start of Week 5. Monthly progress report

 So January didn't end so good. The last Thursday night of January at my job I injuried my right wrist/thumb. Not sure exactly what happened, but I experienced a sharp stabbing pain in my right wrist. I wasn't able to continue working. I went to the workman's comp Dr on Friday morning who told me I probably experienced  'radial styloid tenosynovitis'. 

So, i haven't been able to do my workouts past few days. And last week I was doing several 12 hour shifts and wasn't sleeping good, so missed Wednesday through end of week. 

I did monthly progress pics and measurements today(Monday). I've dropped a few lbs, but have been fluctuating up and down most of month. My measurements remained the same. So, I haven't gone backwards,  but also no progress, in my mind.

Today I did a 3x3 booty band workout and some wrist prehab.

Week 4 keep pressing on

 Start of week 4. I haven't been perfect, but I keep pressing on. I've missed at least one workout a week, I think. My diet hasn't been great, but it hasn't been terrible, either. My weight has kind of hung around 163#  That's about 10 lbs heavier than I want to be. I haven't been tracking like I was either. I think I got tired of always thinking about it. But I know I need to either track or come up with a meal plan I can follow, to make sure I'm eating a heakthy calorie amountvand to make sure I get in enough protein.

Today's workout was dedicated to my really good friend, Griz. Today is his birthday.  He's been my biggest supporter and encouragement for continuing my journey through the past 11 years.  He's believed in me when I didn't believe in myself.  We all need someone like that. 

Starting Week 3 No one but you

 Starting week 3. Upper body day. Starting to feel like strength is increasing finally. 

Do you really believe you can reach your goals? Do you really believe you can be strong again? Do you believe you can lose weight or transform your body? Do you believe you can maintain your body composition once you reach your goal?

If you feel like you're doing this alone, do you believe you can keep pressing on doing this by yourself? Why do you feel you "need" to do this "with" someone? 

This really is a journey of one. No one can do this for you. And you can't make anyone else do it with you if they don't want to. 

Some people say they need someone to do it with or push them. No You Don't!! I believe your reason why isn't powerful enough if you think you need someone else to push you. It's because you really don't believe you can do it. 

You Need a powerful reason why and you Need to Believe You Can do it!! 

No one else but you!!

#justshowup  #nevergiveup  #nevertooold  #powerfulreasonwhy #believeinyourselfagain  #BeUnstoppable  #fitover50 #fitover40

Power of Belief

 I was listening to a podcast about fitness related topics. They were talking about different controlled studies about various weight loss/workout topics. They were discussing how no matter the sunject that the ones who were told something, whether a placebo or not, as long as they believed it, it would result in a change. (Hard to explain. Lol) Basically, if you believe something, it is more than likely to happen. 

What are you believing?

What are you believing about yourself? About your health? About your life? 

If you in believe something enough, you WILL make it happen. 

Week 2

Week 2 Muscle & Strength

 I don't train to look young. I train to look like I can kick ass! Lol

In actuality, now that I'm in my 50s I am leaning more towards training for strength and retaining/improving my lean muscle mass. To stay strong into my older years.

That's not to stay that I don't want to look good or have less body fat. 

I want to be one of those women in her 60s and 70s who other women look up to and be like "damn, you look good and are strong for your age.

Minset and Habits

 Day 4 upper body. Mobility and resistance training. 

This journey really is about mindset and habits. The first few weeks of any training or new way of eating is going to be challenging. You'll have to reframe some thoughts and beliefs about where you are and what it will take to get to your goal. You'll have to train your mind to wake up ready for the day. Honestly,  for me so far, I just want to stay in bed. I kind of dread my day. I just don't want to do anything.  But, at the same time I just don't want to keep yo-yoing those same 10-15 lbs!! 

I get irritated at myself for going backwards so soon and so fast. And yet, I still struggle with those food choices that will get me to my goal. I have to remind myself to just take it one day at a time. To remind myself to #justshowup. 

#nevertooold  #nevergiveup  #fitover50  #consistencyiskey  #confidence  #strength #foamrolling #stretching #activation 

#mindset #upperbody #resistancetraining

Day 2 Focus on PRW

 Day 2 Lower body day. 

Really feeling that Boost energy. 

It's back to work for me today after being off since Dec 21st. 

Mindset is going to be so key in this journey!! Reframe my discouraged thinking and kicking myself down for going backwards so soon and so fast! 

Gotta think about each step taken towards improvement as a positive step. 

Focus on PRW. To be strong and healthy through my 50s and beyond. To feel confident in myself in working towards my goals and not giving up when things get hard. 

#nevertooold #fitover50 #nevergiveup #muscleandstrength  #justshowup #consistency #confidence #strength  #trackyourmacros #takeyourtruvy  #resistancetraining #powerfulreasonwhy

Just Show Up!

 So, we've been talking a lot about New Year's Resolutions, our One Word for the year, our goals for the year, etc. 

Something I learned many years ago was that the "what" your goal is isn't as important as your "WHY". We all want to change, we want to lose weight, we want to get healthy, we want to fit into our clothes(or smaller clothes).  But, if your reason why isn't powerful enough you won't do what is necessary to reach those goals, especially when life gets a little bit tough or challenging. 

My mantra for 2023 is, "Just Show Up!"  I chose this because if I "just show up" for myself every day that something will get done. If I "just show up" in the kitchen I can choose to make choices fit for my goals. I can choose to "just show up" in the gym and do something, even if it's not my best day or just a quick 15 minutes. I can choose to "just show up" with a positive thought or belief about myself that will move me forward. 

Just showing up for myself is a daily choice to be my best me just for today. 

I am challenging myself to "just show up" this year! 

So, my "one word" for the year is 'Consistency'! If I Consistently just show up every day, then I know it will be an amazing year. I want to look back on this year and say I didn't slack off or just let things go, or not show up for myself. 

I Consistently Showed Up!

This leads me to the "Powerful Reason Why".

If you don't have a PRW(powerful reason why), then more than likely you will not "show up" for yourself or your goals. When times get challenging, when you're feeling lazy or tired, or even short on time, you won't "show up" for yourself.  

You need to attach an emotion to your PRW, especially a positive one!  How are you going to feel when you reach your goal? How are you going to feel knowing you followed through on forming positive habits?  How are going to feel knowing you "just showed up" for yourself every single day!

Day 1: Muscle & Strength, upper body.

#justshowup #muscleandstrength #consistency  #fitover50  #powerfulreasonwhy #prw #confidence #takeyourtruvy 

#believeinyourselfagain  #BeUnstoppable

January 1, 2023 Mission: 365

 Haha!! It's been quite some time since I've been here. It seems I've tried restarting this several times over the years. Shall I try once more!? 

So much has happened over the years since I first started blogging back in 2006 (over 16 years ago!!)

Fast forward a few years...about 10, to 2016. 

I had made some amazing progress and yet back tracked a few times. 

Now here I am again on January 1, 2023!! 

This past spring/summer I was on a mission to get back into shape after several years of inconsistencies having started working at a factory. My weight started climbing up again and my body was hurting all over from my physical job. I reached my summer goal!! I was feeling amazing, even into my early 50's!

Then I strained my lower back for the second time in a year.  I've gotten myself in a setback once again.  The mistake that I did was not adjusting down my daily caloric intake for my lack of activity while I was recovering my back strain. Therefore I've added back on about 12 lbs!! 

Many years ago when I first started blogging back in 2006-2008, as a form of accountability, I'd blog daily. Not sure if I want to do this daily as my work schedule sometimes calls for 12 hour shifts. Blogging can take some time to put together with my thoughts and daily pics, etc. So, I'm thinking a weekly recap with progress pics and measurements and possibly some commentary from my week.  This is/will be mainly for my own benefit of accountability and documentation, as I don't think many will be following.  

Here are some screenshots of my current measurements. 

So, this is my current starting place for January 1, 2023. 

My goal for this year has several steps. Firstly, I want to drop down those 12ish lbs I've gained since September (2022). Once I've reached that point, my long-term goal is to then maintain the weight-loss while working towards regaining lean muscle mass and increase my strength. 

My overall goal is to maintain the consistency it takes to not only drop the fat but to maintain the fat loss!!! I am challenging myself to a year of consistency!

It's time I live the Unstoppable attitude and mindset!

-The Warrior Suz.