Being Transparent

I chatted with a good friend of mine yesterday.  In our conversation she says I sound like I am doing well, by the sounds of my blog posts.  Well, that's really only the half of it.  I am doing well.  But at the same time I am experiencing some extreme feelings of rejection and in my blog posts I don't mention this.  I do want to only say what is good and positive...but at the same time I don't want to be a "fraud".  The more we think on things, the more of that thing we bring into our lives.  I have experienced this on both accounts (good and bad).  I want so much to stay focused on those good and positive things.  Yet at the same time I am going through some life changes that are challenging.
I don't want to focus on the overwhelming feelings of rejection this past year has been challenging me with.  The past few days have been tough.
But what I have been challenged with (in a good way) Spiritually is to "Be Still".
We can get so busy with our lives or, for me, to always be thinking( I tend to overthink. doh!).  In whatever form we are "busy" if we don't take the time to "Be Still" life can seem to become overwhelming with the stresses and hard challenges...and for me right now, the overwhelming feelings of rejection in several areas of my life.  My divorce will be final October 24.  My 7 year old wants to live with his dad.  I haven't been able to talk to one of my best friends in months.

This is the stuff transformation is all about.  This is the stuff that holds people back from reaching their dreams and goals.  This is the stuff that stops people from moving forward in life.  This is the stuff that keeps people from reaching physique goals.
It is in learning how to think in these times and situations that seem so overwhelming.  It is in learning and finding Truth.  Feelings of rejection are really selfish thoughts.  Gaining a different perspective is essential here.  Counting Blessings are one way to do that.  I have counted my blessings...  This is the stuff I need to focus on.  The things in my life I have little to no control over, I need to "be still" with.  I need to see from a new perspective.  I need to focus on "what's good about this?"  The truth is even in the darkest of circumstances there IS something good!  We just have to be still long enough to see it, to hear it, to feel it, to Be it.

I know this is the internet and a very "public" place...but I really want my journey to be transparent.  I want people to see that it is so much more than just eating right, or working out.  As we get our hearts and minds right...that is when the eating and working out will become a non-issue.  But until then, we press on despite not always feeling like it. 

With all that said, I have been eating good the past few days.
I have been working my butt off in the gym, really pushing hard.  I have sweat!  I have pushed.  I have pulled.  I have punched.  I have kicked.  I have grunted!  I feel like things are moving forward.  I can feel the body burning and working through out the days.  As I get my food more in line with my core beliefs and dreams and goals, I know I will be a burning warrior machine.  I can already feel it.

Remain Steadfast

Some days I feel like the Dream Stealer is working overtime to knock me off my path.  My Inner Peace has been challenged many times since returning from my vacation.  But I remain steadfast(: firm in belief, determination, or adherence) in keeping my Inner Peace.
With each challenge I am learning more and more to take each situation and try to learn from it and become better.  The time of allowing circumstances or negative interactions to bother me are getting less and less.  I am choosing to reflect on those situations and learn from them and to not let my emotions rule me.
I have finally learned about myself that when I let my negative emotions rule that everything stops in my life.  I am not able to move forward with my dreams and goals.    The choices I make reflect those negative emotions.
I made some poor choices this weekend.  My first reaction is to "kick myself".
I made better choices today.
For about four hours today, I helped my cousin put in new insulation in her attic.  We crawled on our belly's on pieces of plywood and the 2x6 beams.  We sweat.  We were huffing and puffing.  It was quite the workout!  Kind of like doing planks and elbow crawls.  We both ended up with bruises on our knees, hips, elbows and some on the ribs.  We bumped our heads on the attic ceiling beams too many times to count.  Our whole bodies are sore.  Then I went to a late lunch with a friend and had a grilled chicken sandwich(but I did have some ice cream for dessert)  Within 3 hours I was starving!  So after showering the insulation dust I had a big protein shake and then went out to the garage and did my workout for the day.  I had to get out there before my body "said" no.  I am so glad I did, even after working so hard in the attic.  I felt great!  (even with the poor choices from the weekend)  I did more reps with heavier weights and more sets(compared to the last time I did this workout).  My body feels completely worked, from head to toe.

I am blessed!  During lunch today with my friend, I was sharing with her how blessed I am to have such a blessing in some very special friendships that have grown over the past year.  I remember as a young person feeling like I never had any friends or only a very few.  Now I am finding I am blessed by some truly wonderful people in my life.  I want to always be very thankful and grateful for these gifts in my life.  These gifts are what have helped to carry me through some very tough trials over this past year.  It is my hope to give back to those who have lovingly given to me.

Balance: Spirit, Mind, Body

Yesterday's post was really empowering for me.  To be able to come to that place of just being.  I have grown so much over the past few years and quite a bit in just the past year.  But now is the time to Be that which I have grown into.
I feel I am still learning daily about myself and how I can be a better me.  I am learning to take situations that have occurred recently and am working on ways I could respond better..or to even just pause even before responding.  This will take some practice and mindful thinking in the moment.
This journey we are on has really very little to do with our physical bodies, but is very much mental and spiritual.  What is needed is a balance of spiritual strength, mental strength and bodily strength.  I see the spiritual as something that is within the core of our being...it is really what drives us.
The spiritual part of us seeks Peace.  When we are at peace in the core of our being..that is when we will  just BE.  Be who we are created to be.  Be what our destiny is calling us to be.
I am at a place of peace today.  I am learning that despite some of the circumstances that are out of my control, I can still be at peace and know I am being the best me I can be in this moment and yet can still learn from those experiences.
When the peace is at that core spiritual level, that is when everything else will fall into place..the mental strength, and even the physical strength.  I think balance can only be achieved when we are at a place of spiritual peace because everything else falls into place from there.

Workout done!
eats are doing better.  making better choices.

Just Be!

My older sister cut and colored my hair today.  She always makes me look beautiful!


We were talking about how much I have changed over the years since I was young.  I was very shy and didn't like to be in  front of people.  I was always a "follower".   But I have also been grooming over the years to be a leader.  I was thinking about this the past few days.  Some of my first experiences as a leader was being a team captain on my high school basketball team.  Then again when I worked at a summer church camp the summer after I graduated from high school I was "appointed"  as being "in charge" of the snack shop.   I was thinking about all this after I had read something someone close to me had shared with me this past year or so.  This is what was shared with me:  You are a natural born teacher and leader – you’ve just got to grow into that skin now.
As I shared that with my sister, she says this,  "stop thinking about it and being concerned about what that means and just be.  Just BE what you are.  Just BE who you are.  You are a leader so just Be.  Don't think about what you used to be, just BE who you ARE now!  Do what you love and you just BE that."
I have an amazing sister!  She is the one who truly inspired me to just go after my goal of losing weight.  She believed in me and wanted me to succeed.  But not only that, she is an amazing woman.  She has gone through so much over the years as a single mother at a young age and did what she needed to support her son and herself.  She is a strong woman.  She is going through her own personal struggles but has remained strong through it all and is Being who she needs to be to make it through.

Yesterday did not go as planned for my workout.  I work late on Sunday nights and don't get to bed until near 2 am most weekends...and then having to get up early to get kids off to school.  I had a morning appointment with my friend who is a massage therapist.  Painfully wonderful!   Lunch time then time to pick up kids from school.  supper with the kids.  Then I laid down for a nap after dinner...well the "nap" lasted through midnight.  So the workout did not get done!
Needless to say, after my haircut tonight, I was not going to miss my workout!  But I still need to zero in on my diet.  I am not out of control but I am still choosing foods that are not supporting my goals.  I need to make some changes.  I have less than two months to make some major changes in my physique before I go to Jersey to visit Elaine.  I have to bring up my game!  She is going to put me to work and I have to be ready.
You all are pushing me to bring my best to the table.

Here is a side by side 14 day comparison from September 1 to today.


I see some minor changes.  But I am not looking for minor!
Certain foods give me bloating issues and I have to be more mindful of those foods and how my body reacts...I see obvious bloating in comparison.

It's time to BE!
BE Unstoppable!
BE a Champion!
BE a Leader!

Decide

Decide

Every day stronger!

I needed this message:

"When something knocks you off track, get up quickly and point yourself back in the right direction. Decide that you will not tolerate any excuses, not from yourself or from anyone else. Do what it takes to deal with life as it comes, and firmly take control of your own destiny"
Ralph Marston

Read more: http://greatday.com/#ixzz1WuSVJHyE

It matters not how many times you get knocked down but how many times you get back up!  I will never give up!  Every Day Stronger!  The more I learn, the more quickly I get back up!  I take control of my attitude.  I take control of my thoughts.  I take every thought captive.
I will make no excuses..but I will get back up again and again and again..until I stay up and STAND Strong!
Once a decision is made...a truly, gut honest, whole-hearted Decision...nothing will be able to stop you.  I have done this before and I am doing it again!