Easing back. March update

Brutal honesty... peri-menopause is really beating me down. From the physical aches to the mental depression and sleep-deprived nights from insomnia to night sweats. I do take supplements to try to combat some of those symptoms.  Sometimes it seems to work, other times not. Many times I find my mental attitude of "just fuck it" sometimes wins. I've had this battle on/off my whole life. It really does take continuous ongoing work to combat those negative thoughts, just like working on your body takes a continuous consistent effort. 

The other night I was seeing my memories on Facebook of some of my fitness journey postings. I've basically been repeating the same lose/gain of the same 10-15 lbs over the past 10 or so years. Each time I've lost that weight I always think it'll be the last and I'll do good and maintain that weight loss....just to end back up where I was before. (@165-170#) At 53 years old and in peri-menopause this time around I'm really struggling mentally. I am so discouraged and in a depressing state of returning back up in weight again...and so quickly. I'm literally back to where I was literally a year ago. 

How can I turn it all around again? 

I've started new workout programming. It's a tempo based routine. I just finished a 2nd week of an acclimation phase. This week should start increasing the weights to begin building and challenging the muscles. 

I do feel I have to accept that I won't get back to my goal of 150# by my beach vacation the end of May. I just haven't gotten my calories down and disciplined enough. I kind of just feel I don't want to go back to the detailed macro tracking. Maybe if I can just input my favorite recipes that meet my protein/calorie needs i couod just rotste through some of my favorites and not feel I'm having to stress over hitting my macros every day. I do know I tend to get caught up in mindless snacking. 

Some days I can't stand where I'm back to. Some days I just feel like quitting. But I walys come back to the thought and belief that muscle is the fountain of youth. And I feel I just can't give up. I just want my muscles and strength back and to not feel old and plump. I know I go back and forth between saying one thing but yet doing the opposite. 

Maybe I need to get back to writing down positive affirmations. Just thinking about something doesn't seem to make things happen. I need to instill belief in my inner being that I can and will do what needs to be done to restore my muscles and strength. I need to keep going, no matter what. Let consistency win. 

I know I've probably babbled on and on, but if no one is reading this blog it doesn't really matter and it's a way of getting thoughts out of my head.