Being Transparent

I chatted with a good friend of mine yesterday.  In our conversation she says I sound like I am doing well, by the sounds of my blog posts.  Well, that's really only the half of it.  I am doing well.  But at the same time I am experiencing some extreme feelings of rejection and in my blog posts I don't mention this.  I do want to only say what is good and positive...but at the same time I don't want to be a "fraud".  The more we think on things, the more of that thing we bring into our lives.  I have experienced this on both accounts (good and bad).  I want so much to stay focused on those good and positive things.  Yet at the same time I am going through some life changes that are challenging.
I don't want to focus on the overwhelming feelings of rejection this past year has been challenging me with.  The past few days have been tough.
But what I have been challenged with (in a good way) Spiritually is to "Be Still".
We can get so busy with our lives or, for me, to always be thinking( I tend to overthink. doh!).  In whatever form we are "busy" if we don't take the time to "Be Still" life can seem to become overwhelming with the stresses and hard challenges...and for me right now, the overwhelming feelings of rejection in several areas of my life.  My divorce will be final October 24.  My 7 year old wants to live with his dad.  I haven't been able to talk to one of my best friends in months.

This is the stuff transformation is all about.  This is the stuff that holds people back from reaching their dreams and goals.  This is the stuff that stops people from moving forward in life.  This is the stuff that keeps people from reaching physique goals.
It is in learning how to think in these times and situations that seem so overwhelming.  It is in learning and finding Truth.  Feelings of rejection are really selfish thoughts.  Gaining a different perspective is essential here.  Counting Blessings are one way to do that.  I have counted my blessings...  This is the stuff I need to focus on.  The things in my life I have little to no control over, I need to "be still" with.  I need to see from a new perspective.  I need to focus on "what's good about this?"  The truth is even in the darkest of circumstances there IS something good!  We just have to be still long enough to see it, to hear it, to feel it, to Be it.

I know this is the internet and a very "public" place...but I really want my journey to be transparent.  I want people to see that it is so much more than just eating right, or working out.  As we get our hearts and minds right...that is when the eating and working out will become a non-issue.  But until then, we press on despite not always feeling like it. 

With all that said, I have been eating good the past few days.
I have been working my butt off in the gym, really pushing hard.  I have sweat!  I have pushed.  I have pulled.  I have punched.  I have kicked.  I have grunted!  I feel like things are moving forward.  I can feel the body burning and working through out the days.  As I get my food more in line with my core beliefs and dreams and goals, I know I will be a burning warrior machine.  I can already feel it.

Remain Steadfast

Some days I feel like the Dream Stealer is working overtime to knock me off my path.  My Inner Peace has been challenged many times since returning from my vacation.  But I remain steadfast(: firm in belief, determination, or adherence) in keeping my Inner Peace.
With each challenge I am learning more and more to take each situation and try to learn from it and become better.  The time of allowing circumstances or negative interactions to bother me are getting less and less.  I am choosing to reflect on those situations and learn from them and to not let my emotions rule me.
I have finally learned about myself that when I let my negative emotions rule that everything stops in my life.  I am not able to move forward with my dreams and goals.    The choices I make reflect those negative emotions.
I made some poor choices this weekend.  My first reaction is to "kick myself".
I made better choices today.
For about four hours today, I helped my cousin put in new insulation in her attic.  We crawled on our belly's on pieces of plywood and the 2x6 beams.  We sweat.  We were huffing and puffing.  It was quite the workout!  Kind of like doing planks and elbow crawls.  We both ended up with bruises on our knees, hips, elbows and some on the ribs.  We bumped our heads on the attic ceiling beams too many times to count.  Our whole bodies are sore.  Then I went to a late lunch with a friend and had a grilled chicken sandwich(but I did have some ice cream for dessert)  Within 3 hours I was starving!  So after showering the insulation dust I had a big protein shake and then went out to the garage and did my workout for the day.  I had to get out there before my body "said" no.  I am so glad I did, even after working so hard in the attic.  I felt great!  (even with the poor choices from the weekend)  I did more reps with heavier weights and more sets(compared to the last time I did this workout).  My body feels completely worked, from head to toe.

I am blessed!  During lunch today with my friend, I was sharing with her how blessed I am to have such a blessing in some very special friendships that have grown over the past year.  I remember as a young person feeling like I never had any friends or only a very few.  Now I am finding I am blessed by some truly wonderful people in my life.  I want to always be very thankful and grateful for these gifts in my life.  These gifts are what have helped to carry me through some very tough trials over this past year.  It is my hope to give back to those who have lovingly given to me.

Balance: Spirit, Mind, Body

Yesterday's post was really empowering for me.  To be able to come to that place of just being.  I have grown so much over the past few years and quite a bit in just the past year.  But now is the time to Be that which I have grown into.
I feel I am still learning daily about myself and how I can be a better me.  I am learning to take situations that have occurred recently and am working on ways I could respond better..or to even just pause even before responding.  This will take some practice and mindful thinking in the moment.
This journey we are on has really very little to do with our physical bodies, but is very much mental and spiritual.  What is needed is a balance of spiritual strength, mental strength and bodily strength.  I see the spiritual as something that is within the core of our being...it is really what drives us.
The spiritual part of us seeks Peace.  When we are at peace in the core of our being..that is when we will  just BE.  Be who we are created to be.  Be what our destiny is calling us to be.
I am at a place of peace today.  I am learning that despite some of the circumstances that are out of my control, I can still be at peace and know I am being the best me I can be in this moment and yet can still learn from those experiences.
When the peace is at that core spiritual level, that is when everything else will fall into place..the mental strength, and even the physical strength.  I think balance can only be achieved when we are at a place of spiritual peace because everything else falls into place from there.

Workout done!
eats are doing better.  making better choices.

Just Be!

My older sister cut and colored my hair today.  She always makes me look beautiful!


We were talking about how much I have changed over the years since I was young.  I was very shy and didn't like to be in  front of people.  I was always a "follower".   But I have also been grooming over the years to be a leader.  I was thinking about this the past few days.  Some of my first experiences as a leader was being a team captain on my high school basketball team.  Then again when I worked at a summer church camp the summer after I graduated from high school I was "appointed"  as being "in charge" of the snack shop.   I was thinking about all this after I had read something someone close to me had shared with me this past year or so.  This is what was shared with me:  You are a natural born teacher and leader – you’ve just got to grow into that skin now.
As I shared that with my sister, she says this,  "stop thinking about it and being concerned about what that means and just be.  Just BE what you are.  Just BE who you are.  You are a leader so just Be.  Don't think about what you used to be, just BE who you ARE now!  Do what you love and you just BE that."
I have an amazing sister!  She is the one who truly inspired me to just go after my goal of losing weight.  She believed in me and wanted me to succeed.  But not only that, she is an amazing woman.  She has gone through so much over the years as a single mother at a young age and did what she needed to support her son and herself.  She is a strong woman.  She is going through her own personal struggles but has remained strong through it all and is Being who she needs to be to make it through.

Yesterday did not go as planned for my workout.  I work late on Sunday nights and don't get to bed until near 2 am most weekends...and then having to get up early to get kids off to school.  I had a morning appointment with my friend who is a massage therapist.  Painfully wonderful!   Lunch time then time to pick up kids from school.  supper with the kids.  Then I laid down for a nap after dinner...well the "nap" lasted through midnight.  So the workout did not get done!
Needless to say, after my haircut tonight, I was not going to miss my workout!  But I still need to zero in on my diet.  I am not out of control but I am still choosing foods that are not supporting my goals.  I need to make some changes.  I have less than two months to make some major changes in my physique before I go to Jersey to visit Elaine.  I have to bring up my game!  She is going to put me to work and I have to be ready.
You all are pushing me to bring my best to the table.

Here is a side by side 14 day comparison from September 1 to today.


I see some minor changes.  But I am not looking for minor!
Certain foods give me bloating issues and I have to be more mindful of those foods and how my body reacts...I see obvious bloating in comparison.

It's time to BE!
BE Unstoppable!
BE a Champion!
BE a Leader!

Decide

Decide

Every day stronger!

I needed this message:

"When something knocks you off track, get up quickly and point yourself back in the right direction. Decide that you will not tolerate any excuses, not from yourself or from anyone else. Do what it takes to deal with life as it comes, and firmly take control of your own destiny"
Ralph Marston

Read more: http://greatday.com/#ixzz1WuSVJHyE

It matters not how many times you get knocked down but how many times you get back up!  I will never give up!  Every Day Stronger!  The more I learn, the more quickly I get back up!  I take control of my attitude.  I take control of my thoughts.  I take every thought captive.
I will make no excuses..but I will get back up again and again and again..until I stay up and STAND Strong!
Once a decision is made...a truly, gut honest, whole-hearted Decision...nothing will be able to stop you.  I have done this before and I am doing it again!

A "Genesis week"

I feel like I have so much to say.  The past few days since I've been home I've really had a chance to reflect on my vacation and what it has meant to me.  A recent blog post I read really summed it up for me.  In it the blogger said this,

"Have you ever thought to yourself, you are exactly where you need to be at this very moment. Sort of like...if that didn't happen, this wouldn't have happened, and if that wouldn't have happened, this couldn't have happened. Even our failures play into this scenario and work towards the good."

This isn't really much related to fitness and nutrition in the physical sense...but it has everything to do with the fitness of your soul and feeding yourself the good food your soul needs.
As you could probably imagine, I was greatly disappointed in the fact that I wasn't going to Australia this month.  It was something I had set my heart on since May of last year.  I didn't know how it was to happen, but I was going on faith that it just would be.  I kept that faith until the end of July when it was decided I wasn't to go.  But in a matter of days, my sister had called me and had asked me to then come to Albuquerque to help her move to Texas.  If I had gone to Oz, this wouldn't have happened.
The first two days I was in Albuquerque I essentially packed most all of Rachel's stuff.  This was great for me, believe it or not.  It allowed me to focus on something other than myself and the issues I had been dealing with at work and even the life issues from the past year.  For me, this was not a "pain covering solution" to do this.  It was all about a change of focus.
 A few financial changes in recent months has allowed me to save some money, which was intended to be used during my trip to Oz.  So with this "extra" money saved I was able to buy my sister two new tires that she desperately needed...especially if I was to be driving her vehicle 600+ miles to Texas!  This wouldn't have happened if I had gone to Oz.  Scott drove with me in Rachel's vehicle to Texas.  There's a good chance this wouldn't have happened if I had not been there.
My time spent with Rachel in Texas was a special time of sisterly bonding.  I will treasure this time with her...and I know she treasures this time as well.
This trip accomplished what I had set out to do...to be renewed, rejuvenated and restore peace in my spirit.  It was all that and more.  We laughed.  We played.  We cried.  We talked.  We were sisters!
Friday at work it was pay day, so I was able to catch up with some of my staff.  I was greeted by hugs and "we are so glad you are back!" and on Saturday one of them left me flowers saying they missed me and was glad I was back.  Also, Saturday at work I had a friend of mine tell me how happy I looked...and that she had not seen me this happy in a long time.  Today, in my counseling session the counselor said she could sense as I was talking that I seemed more at peace and relaxed.
Yesterday after church, my kids and I got KFC and went to a local park and played on the playground...ALL of us!  More laughter and smiles from my kids!  and today, it was yet another beautiful day in Southeast Michigan.
This morning I went out in the garden and took some pics.  Taking pics like this, for me, is a perfect way to destress and relax.  Today was all about enjoying the beauty that is all around in this moment...in the garden and even the weeds!(make sure you check out my pics on facebook!)  Today, after I made dinner, which all the kids ate!!!( stovetop grilled chicken and broccoli and carrots) we all went outside and either walked or rode bikes.
All of this,  Strength and Healthy "Food" for my spirit.

Something I've learned over this past month.  If I were to sit and fret over what I was "missing" then I would miss enjoying what was right in front of me.  I am exactly where I need to be in this very moment.

On to things physical.  I have taken up a 10 week "challenge" with one of my friends on another forum.  I got in my first workout today after laying off for nearly a month.  It felt good!  (but I will let you know how the muscles feel in a day or two!)  Eats were good!
Here are today's pics: 

Getting Unstuck....part 2: Genesis

"Getting Unstuck" ...part 2.

"So often, people allow the opinions of others to hold them back and water down their dreams. We have to realize, there will always be critics and naysayers in life. One of the most important things you can learn is that other people don’t have to believe in you in order for your dreams to come to pass. Other people don’t set the limits for your life — you do. It’s not what others say about you that affects your life, but what you say and believe about yourself" Joel Osteen

I have to honestly say I have done this, allow the opinions of others to hold me back and water down my dreams.  So how do I get "unstuck" from that?
A few weeks ago I got "slammed" on a personal level.  But it was a wake up call to me.  For someone being so concerned about what other people think about me I didn't show myself  in a good light.  I was angry with myself thinking I should know better because of the way I've been taught.  Here I am claiming to be one thing and showing myself to be the opposite.
Our human nature is that of being selfish and thinking of our own desires and how things will affect "me".  But we can also be selfless, in that we would also help others beyond our own needs and wants.
So as I am processing all of this in my heart and mind these past weeks I've been reminded from several sources that I don't have to believe what others think about me.  I can also turn this negative around to a positive by bettering myself.  So how do I do that?
Every day is an opportunity to Renew my mind.  Everyday we Should Renew our minds!  Everyday is an opportunity to forgive and seek forgiveness....of oneself and others.  I am human.  I will make bad choices.  but it is my response to those choices and how I learn from those choices to make myself a better person because of it.
Mind Renewal is a Daily process.  It is instant, yet it is ongoing!
We are going to get "Stuck".  I think that is a given, but what is not a given is how long you stay stuck.  This quote kind of sums it up.
"Be careful about what you think and what you say during your times of trial and tribulation. The attitude you have while in the wilderness determines how long you stay there."
Getting stuck can be a momentary thing or it can be a long drawn out thing.  It all depends on what you think and say to yourself in those stuck situations.  This is really where our affirmations come into play.  We will always encounter situations or others people's opinions of us that are not "favorable".  Affirmations are our way of Renewing our minds and thoughts to the Truth of who we are and not being stuck in what other's think or say about us...that is why we can have so many affirmations as each day brings new encounters.  Every day I can create a new me.  Every day can be a Genesis encounter.

genesis - a coming into being.  a beginning, creation, starting point..

"God, make a fresh start in me,
      shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life. "
(Psalm 51:10 The Message)

Tomorrow morning I leave for Albuquerque, New Mexico.  I will be celebrating my birthday with my brother and sister on Thursday.  I will be gone for two weeks.  I do not think I will have internet access.  If and when I do I will update you all as I can on the trip.  Sunday we will be driving from Albuquerque to a town northeast of Dallas(about a 12 hour drive) as my sister will be moving there.
I will be using this time as a "Genesis week".  I plan on using my downtime as a time of renewal and rejuvenation.